Food and being a foodie is a real struggle especially during sobriety. I am suppose to be on a very strict meal plan.. but today I am giving myself grace.
I haven’t had donuts in weeks and they are my sweet little somethings, that and ice cream. I do pretty well with eating healthy and making home cooked meals with whole foods.. I know gross but I actually enjoy cooking. I call it evening therapy. But this morning I told my daughter we would get donuts before school.. I had the talk with myself that it would be just one donut, a Boston Creme.. it was making my mouth water just thinking of it.
We get to our corner donut shop, which by the way is amazing and the ladies that run it are the sweetest you will ever meet. As we pull up my neighbor is getting out of her car. Back story: I actually was apart of her home purchasing journey a few years ago, because at the time I was a career women selling new homes. Super awesome lady and the sweetest. Her daughter is my youngest daughters age and when I met her daughter, I was beyond excited because I totally pictured her and my daughter becoming best friends and growing up together and being inseparable. Well that lasted a little while, then my child was a jerk and now its awkward and my heart hurts that my child pretty much destroyed that dream. But that is for another post.. I think I will name it how my child is a jerk like me.. haha just kidding, kind of. Anyways so back to the donuts (squirrel). I instantly got anxiety because we haven’t talked much since my child treated her daughter like poop and I don’t know how to start the conversation because again I am the socially awkward lady who stumbles over words in public. But she is super friendly and we say hello and chit chat a minute but that was enough to drive my anxiety through the roof and so here I am with two donuts.. meh!
Ugh the urge took over and the when I saw strawberry jelly filled, it was like I couldn’t say no.. so I didn’t! Typically I would eat it so fast thinking the faster I ate them the less time I would have for guilt to sink in, but not today.. I savored each bite I took and you know what I do I have a teeny tiny bit of guilt but I know I will walk it off later and all will be fine.
I was talking with my sister last night about our sobriety.. yes she has been on this journey a year today!! Go Big Sis!! She mentioned how sobriety can bring out your sweet tooth.. well today it did for sure!
As I sit here typing I am thinking about how I can fix my daughters friendship.. but at the same time she is almost 11 and I have to let her navigate her friendships and life. I can’t force friendships on her or anyone else. I do however need to make sure I keep my friendship healthy and communicate with them even if its a hard conversation.. like “Hey, so sorry my kid was a jerk.. can we still be friends?”
I am not in AA and I am not sure if I plan on joining or not.. but I know from being in Al-Anon as a child that part of the 12 steps is making amends to those we have harmed.. and even though it wasn’t me doing the harming, it was my offspring so I think I need to set up a coffee date or something to mend this awkwardness and well maybe the girls can mend as well.
Tip for the day: If you are having a moment weather its anxiety, anxious, needing a drink (if you are in a dry season) or just a bad day in itself, IT’S OKAY TO EAT THE DONUT.. or TWO.. just make sure to walk it off or do some time of exercise later that day!